Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
