Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
