I got chris browned last night
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
