My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
