If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
