you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
