The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
