I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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