How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
