I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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