Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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