Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
