Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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