just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
