The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
