I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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