I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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