That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
