the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
