Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
false alarm. still invincible.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize