He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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