Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize