This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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