I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
