So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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