I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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