Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
