If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
