Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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