I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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