I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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