Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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