Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you will always have a special place in my vag
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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