is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
