me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
