I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I CAN MOONWALK!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
