I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
