woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
