the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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