idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
