I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My balls are so social today.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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