ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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