I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
