Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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