We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
