The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
