i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
