i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You can't just leave with hair like that
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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