I think I died a long time ago.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
