I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
