I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
