i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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