why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
