So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
