I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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