my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
