Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
