I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
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Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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