Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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