I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
