puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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