shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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