Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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