I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
