I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
