I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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