dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
