This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
