We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
