if i can run in heels then i can drive
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
